| “Rachel: Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour.” | |
 Jenny0103 |
The above quote is credited to the TV show "Friends." It was meant to be funny- to tell whoever Rachel was talking to that she just didn't care what he or she was saying. Unfortunately I don't find it so funny. I have come to realize that if someone is telling us something it is because it is important to that person. It doesn't have to be important to the listener.
Ten years ago I tried to tell my in-laws about a situation. I was told that it was my own problem and that I needed to deal with it on my own. I was told to see a psychologist if I needed to, but we didn't have the resources to do so. They did, however. They could have helped... but they didn't.
Somehow I gave up after that meeting. I stopped thinking anyone could possibly care about my situation and that anyone could help me. In my mind, no one could understand the life I was living. I closed up and didn't share with my closest friends, I didn't want to be a bother to my family including my parents, and I decided to give life a go on my own. Because, after all, the only reason anyone would want to listen to my complaining was if they were being paid for it.
I am so glad I have learned differently now. Daniel and I did deal with our problems on our own for as long as we could. Once he saw a psychologist who referred him to a psychiatrist, though, we knew our issues were bigger than us. We started to open up and share with friends and family what we have been living through for just about our entire marriage. Though I still find myself protecting the details, I know now I don't have to walk this path alone. There are people who care about what I have to say and my emotional well-being. The best part is the people who care have tried to understand the situation without judgement. They have done the research and found out that what Daniel and I have gone through is very real and not just a problem with our relationship. (For new readers... my husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in March. We knew he has struggled with it our entire marriage.)
I shared this quote because I want to stress how important it is to really listen when someone reaches out for help. You may not understand the problem and you may not be able to fix it. People need to know that someone else is on their side, though.
I am so glad I have learned differently now. Daniel and I did deal with our problems on our own for as long as we could. Once he saw a psychologist who referred him to a psychiatrist, though, we knew our issues were bigger than us. We started to open up and share with friends and family what we have been living through for just about our entire marriage. Though I still find myself protecting the details, I know now I don't have to walk this path alone. There are people who care about what I have to say and my emotional well-being. The best part is the people who care have tried to understand the situation without judgement. They have done the research and found out that what Daniel and I have gone through is very real and not just a problem with our relationship. (For new readers... my husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in March. We knew he has struggled with it our entire marriage.)
I shared this quote because I want to stress how important it is to really listen when someone reaches out for help. You may not understand the problem and you may not be able to fix it. People need to know that someone else is on their side, though.
1 comment:
I totally agree with your last paragraph here, to really listen when someone is reaching out; they are so vulnerable in doing so, they have properly pondered awhile before approaching someone and then if they are rejected and not listened to, I can see why it would cause something like in the instance when you came to speak to your in-laws. I can probably guess you don't have the best relationship with them and that is sad all ways around if that is the case (this is a sensitive issue for me because my MIL said something about my mom back in 1998 that pretty much severed me wanting to have any type of relationship with my MIL; thing is what she said I don't think she ever realized she said it and the impact her words would have for years). Anyway, I am sorry they didn't listen but I am glad you got to the point where you were able to share with your close friends what was going on so you could get some support from them.
and indeed a great reminder for us to really listen to others.
betty
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