Just a couple of weeks ago my husband was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and adult ADD. He's probably struggled with both since childhood and most definitely since adolescence. For the past 13 years I have lived this right along with him but not known what the cause was. To be honest I thought he was just an ass at times. He was difficult to get along with and could at times make life seem unbearable. To him, I now know, life WAS unbearable.
I have not been on my best game lately, that is for sure. I feel unfocused, frustrated, and like curling up in a ball until this all goes away. Just getting to work on a daily basis has been difficult at best. The thing is, this WON'T all just magically disappear. We will be working at this for a long time, up to a year to achieve full stabilization according to the psychiatrist. Life WILL get better for us, and we are seeing improvement already, but most of this is thanks to my husband's unending determination and desire to become "well."
I'm exhausted, I'm scared to death knowing we are going to have to face some of the events from the past caused by this disorder, and I'm lonely. BUT, I am also hopeful, excited for the future, and so proud. I am proud of a man who has never stopped loving me and our girls, who has always tried his best to keep life together for us, and for working so hard at his treatment already.
Please know that if I am frustrated, more quiet than usual, or just not "up," I am going through a lot. I have my own roller coaster to ride. I've been riding right along with him for some time trying to keep the peace and keep life as stress-free as possible. For some reason the diagnosis didn't take any of this away but has put a magnifying glass on all of these feelings. We're working on it all, though. Fortunately his doctors have chosen to take a couples approach to his treatment, so I have not been overlooked. We will come out of this as better people, and I know this has already made me a more compassionate person with both my friends and my students. I hope you all will stick by as we start this new journey in life.
My husband has given his permission for me to share this information about him and has actually encouraged me to do so. He knows this is not just about him but about all of us as a family and that writing is my way of making sense of life. I appreciate his honesty and his understanding.
13 comments:
Oh Karen - what an addition to the stressful year you've already had. I'm not sure what to say but my heart goes out to you and your hubby as you deal with this.
Sharing your feelings especially amongst many anonymous faces can often be the best thing when faced with hard things in our lives - your hubby obviously senses the need for you to share in the way that you know best.
Lean on each other and hugs to both of you through this trying time xxx
Thank you Fi. Yes, this definitely didn't come at the best time ever, but to be honest I don't think one time would have been better than another. It's better that we can deal with this now and move on with life. We'll have MANY more years together now, hopefully much happier than they've been in the past.
Unfortunately, leaning on him is not always possible, but I do my best. One of the symptoms that is common is that during certain "swings," he "disappears." He is just not participating in life the way I'm used to, and he pulls away from affection. We're working on that, though, and he's doing his best to stay active in our relationship.
Hi! I was browsing thru my blog reading list and came across this post. I could not NOT read it because I too went through the same journey of living with someone with bipolar disorder, my dad.
He was diagnosed with bp since I was 13 yrs old (20 yrs ago) and it has been like hell for our already dysfunctional family. Unfortunately, he's not well now although he has received treatment in the past and has even been hospitalized so many times. The reason why this is so is because he doesn't accept the fact that he has bp and therefore doesn't think he needs to be treated.
I applaud your husband for accepting his illness and for being so willing to get well. That is very courageous and just for that, I know he will get better. I applaud you too for being honest and for being brave enough to go through this journey with him. It's definitely not going to be easy but it's not impossible for you guys to come out this as better people.
I wish you and your family well. Thanks for sharing.
Janice, thank you for sharing your story and for your kind words. I am sorry your dad has not accepted his bp and for the problems that has caused your family.
I agree that my husband is VERY courageous to be facing not only the acceptance of having a mental illness but also looking at the past and problems that have been caused by this illness. I just hope I am as brave as I am being given credit for. Some days I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I appreciate your encouragement!
My husband calls me his hero, tells me daily that I saved him and saved his life. I know I'm on the lucky side of this illness with my husband working so hard. I hope one day your dad will be able to see that your family is trying to do the same for him.
Karen, I certainly empathize with your feelings. My husband is bipolar also, so severely that he is on disability. We've been walking this road now for 24 years. He is definitely better now but unless a miracle happens he will always have issues.
You can learn to cope! If you ask God to help you, He will walk by your side and enable you when you feel like you can't go on! I know because He has been my source of strength throughout all this.
God bless you and I'm praying for you.
Thank you for your prayers, Jerralea, and for the encouragement that a relationship CAN work. I've heard so many horror stories about couples divorcing right at this point. I've lived with the symptoms for 13 years and not had a name for them. In some ways that was better, mostly because we are so focused on treatment right now that I feel every moment is consumed with bipolar. I really appreciate your story, knowing you are together and that you are a positive person on your blog and in life. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Karen. I am sorry to hear about your husband's diagnoses, but as you said, now you have the information and will figure out how to make things better from here on out. You guys truly are a great team. He has been there for you during your medical issues, and now you will be there for him. I have no doubt you will all get through this! God bless you all.
Thanks Michael Ann. Daniel and I DO make a good team, and we will get through this just like everything else in life. Thank you for your encouragement!
``Karen,
I love your honesty.
Keep telling your story. You help others by doing this...
I shall say a prayer for you and your hubs this very moment.
<3 Xxx
Being open and honest is the best way, especially to yourselves. My husband's Depression (since childhood too) was only formally diagnosed a few years ago when things got seriously bad and I know the rollercoaster that both of you are on. A diagnosis can feel like a life sentence but really it's finding out the name of the enemy, if you know the enemy you can fight. :)
Being open and honest is the best way, especially to yourselves. My husband's Depression (since childhood too) was only formally diagnosed a few years ago when things got seriously bad and I know the rollercoaster that both of you are on. A diagnosis can feel like a life sentence but really it's finding out the name of the enemy, if you know the enemy you can fight. :)
You make an excellent point idiosyncraticeye! I have noticed that just since we have a diagnosis we are fighting- together. We know where some of the irritations and frustrations (on both sides) are coming from, and we can work toward a common goal. It's no longer "him" against "me," but "how can we change things to work for "us." We've had a great couple of days, which I fear because I know it won't last forever, but those days have been a sweet gift after years of constant ups and downs.
Post a Comment