I've always known I was strong when I wanted to be. These last few months have shown me that I'm strong even when I don't want to be. Many times I wanted to give up; to just admit that I was never going to teach again, to let Daniel take over as the sole parent in our family, and to just watch life from the sidelines. Every time I slipped in that direction, though, instinct took over, and I couldn't sit idly by. I am not one content to let life go where it will. Some call it being stubborn, some call it being a control freak... I call it survival. This is MY life, and I will not let someone else tell me I have to live it in a way that is not fitting for me.
Thank goodness for this trait. As each week went by, and I was getting more and more sick instead of recovering, I KNEW something was wrong. I stopped being able to verbalize that for awhile, and I DID give in temporarily. Being a survivor doesn't always mean one is kicking and screaming constantly, just that in the end, the world will not beat that person. That is what happened for me. I won in the end... I just needed a little break to find that last bit of strength I needed to not give up.
Ironically, this song is by one of my all-time favorite artists. Collin Raye has been one singer who has kept me going many times in my life. He seems to really understand struggle and what it means to dig out of a hole that at times seems too deep. His music is inspirational while also saying, "I've been there. Let's do this together." "Survivors" is another one of those songs. Life hasn't always been perfect in my marriage or for my family. In the end, though, I know I have a group of people I can count on every day. This song describes me because through it all I KNOW I will come out okay. I may be battered and even a little bruised, but I will be whole.