Why is this hunt for employment any different than the multitude of times I've scoured "want ads" in the past? I'm thinking that it is simply because this time I really WANT the job I am going after. It isn't just something I will apply for because I saw an ad in the paper and it sounds interesting. Teaching is something I've work for (might I add worked VERY hard for) and is my chosen career. What will happen if, God forbid, I should not be hired for next school year?
Here are some things that I know:
1. Several teachers have told me that I will be excellent in the front of a classroom
2. Several teachers have complimented my lesson plans and preparation
3. Several teachers have said they would love to co-teach with me
4. Several teacher have told me that I have creative and innovative techniques
Why, then, do I worry so much? I wish it were as easy as saying I'm not going to worry. All the "self-help" talk about positive thinking isn't going to help in this situation. I think I need to see some forward movement in order to start building confidence. Unfortunately we are a couple of weeks away from most districts posting jobs for next year. I guess, until then, I will continue to try to keep busy and not think about the future.
I know that I don't interview well, and I am nervous about my resume. Although it is well written, my resume is not as strong as it could be. I wasn't a camp counselor from the time I was 12 years old, and I really didn't hold any jobs working with children. Talking positively about myself has never been a strength of mine, and speaking of strengths.... how I am going to answer that question in an interview?
The biggest fear, I have noticed, is the transition from being a stay-at-home mom to a full-time working mom. Student teaching gave me a nice glimpse into that life, and it was HARD! So many nights I would go to bed at the same time the girls did. I had the life of a teacher down pat, but the wife and mother parts didn't necessarily fare so well. My wonderful husband took over so many of the responsibilities that I felt he really got the short end of the deal. I'm hoping that it won't take too long to find a groove and settle into a different type of life.
Another worry I have is how to get to the gym. During student teaching, that part of my life was pushed to the side as well. Again, I hope that once we fall into a pattern, exercise will be easy to add in.
These are all silly worries, really. The real worry is will I be good enough to get a job? I am not young any more. Will that be a disadvantage compared to the cute newly graduated 24-year-olds? My style is not as bubbly as some of the new teachers, either. Will I come across too harshly? Lastly, will the frustrations I am feeling as a substitute teacher carry over into my "real" classroom?
No job is perfect, so I don't expect teaching to be anywhere near flawless. In fact, just the opposite is true. I am well aware I am walking into a career that has some major negative factors. Teachers deserve to make more money, they work many hours they are never credited for, and there is a lot of pressure. Knowing this I am still very excited to begin this journey. The question is: Will my future employers be as enthusiastic to embrace my imperfections?
What is something that has caused you insecurity recently? Did it all seem silly once you got past that?