One Year From Now

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I've answered this question so many times in various prompts, and my answer is always the same:  Who knows?  Seriously, one thing I've learned about life is that it is constantly changing.  For me, though I have hopes and dreams, I roll with the punches as they come.  I try not to let life's speed bumps devastate me.  The only way to do that is to be aware that while we have plans, the universe doesn't always agree with those thoughts.  Adjust and readjust as needed.

Last week I was given a perfect example of this idea.  Daniel and I were at our friends' house and we had all just planned to go clean out my classroom that night instead of waiting for the next morning as originally planned.  Our friend had to run his daughter to a party quickly, then we would all leave to work in the classroom.  Lo and behold, our friend calls minutes later to let us know the car has broken down.  Instead of working in my classroom, the men spent the next couple of hours fixing the car.  I could have been upset by this, but we just came up with a new idea for getting the classroom done.

You HAVE to be able to take a different path than planned.  Life is full of detours, and sometimes you never do get back to the original road.  This is a good thing.  I have NO idea where I will be next year.  I hope that we will be a lot more stable and comfortable, but if not, we'll get through that too.

3000 Miles

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Wow, I cannot even imagine moving 3000 miles away!  Daniel and I said years ago that we are pretty much "stuck" here in the Phoenix, Arizona area.  Neither of us has any desire to go elsewhere, and we have both grown up here. 

I think what I would miss most is how I can hop in my car at any time of the year and drive away without warming up the car.  I visited Woodstock, IL (my birthplace and where I spent the first ten years of my life) when I was 18 with the intention of moving there.  Within days I knew that wasn't the place for me.  Who wants to shovel snow for an hour before leaving the driveway?  (Sorry to all of you who do, it just isn't for me.)  Here, even in the coldest of weather, I can be on the road within minutes of stepping out my front door.  

Who Am I?

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I am a woman who wears many hats.

Okay, we should all know by now that I can't just stop at one sentence.  Essentially, though, the different roles I play in life define who I am.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a teacher, a friend, and so much more.  Each of these roles have one thing in common. I am a loving and caring human being who enjoys helping when I can. I hope the people around me benefit from my actions.  It may not always seem like I care (especially in the eyes of my children and students sometimes), but everything I do is with the best interest of those I love in mind.

Saying Goodbye

Today is my last day of school.  My first year of teaching is done.  Saying goodbye has never been easy for me.  As a teacher this is one of the realities I knew would hit me every year as a group of students move on.  This year is particularly difficult because I wasn't prepared to be moving on myself.  I had envisioned having half of my students (my current 5th graders) return next year and seeing the other half in the hallways as they started their junior high school days.

As I was reflecting on the year I began by wondering if I had taught this group of children anything at all.  In fact, as we were having class wrap-up discussions one boy even said he hadn't learned anything in social studies.  That's a bunch of hooey, and I know it.  I think he's just a 6th grader who doesn't want to admit he worked hard.  I saw incredible growth in this child, especially in the last month.

I realized, though, that I wasn't too worried about how much social studies the kids learned.  Sure, I hope they picked up on some concepts.  To be honest, though, I really hope I taught them skills they can take with them for a lifetime.  I hope they learned that a person can be honest yet kind.  I hope they learned that the amount of effort put into a project has a direct effect on the outcome.  Be it a grade or just a matter of pride, effort really does matter.  I could list dozens of ideas I hope my students have learned.  THESE are the important parts of teaching in my opinion.  It is what drove me to be a teacher.

Here is a poem I wrote the other day that I hope captures my thoughts:

Tonight I remembered exactly why I teach...
A thought that lately has seemed so out of reach.
In this time of stress and worry,
Testing, homework, hurry, hurry, hurry
Tonight, though, I remember why I teach.

It's about the whole child, never just a part
It's not about their brains, their grades, their abilities
It's all about what's in their hearts.

Now we move along, each on our own path
And as we part they should know that this is not an end...
It is just the start.
I hope I taught them well-
Not just history but the things that really matter.
Only time will tell.

To my students I now say goodbye
(Yes, it's said with a sigh-
You've noticed that every time we've had to part).
Go out there and capture the life's best.
I've given you the tools..
It's up to you to do the rest!

What Do You Want To Be Known For?

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Whenever I have answered this question in the past I have pictured my funeral and what I imagine people will say about me when I am gone.  What do I want to be known for?  I hope, in the end, that people remember my generosity of spirit.  I have always wanted to help people to be the best they could be.  I hope, especially in the case of my children, that I have this type of influence.  I don't need to be famous or rich.  I don't even have to be great.  I just want to be a positive light for those who I come in contact with.

Stupid

I can be really, really stupid sometimes.  I swear it feels like I am trying to sabotage myself.  Today I did something that I regret in one way but am proud of in another.

The job I was offered yesterday was for a position I'm not technically qualified for yet.  The school was going to pay for the exam to get me qualified, and I am certainly willing to study for it and work toward that goal.  I took the practice test, though, and I honestly don't think I could pass the actual exam.  I just don't have enough education in the field of upper grades history.  I'm not good with names, dates, and specifics.  I don't teach that way, either.  I think the big picture is more important.  The rest can be found on the internet, frankly.

In the name of honesty I emailed the principal this morning and told him that I am concerned about my ability to pass the test.  I asked if I could please be considered for the elementary position I was originally called in to interview for.  His answer was that he needed some time to think about it.  I probably just killed my chances to actually have a job in place.

I'm frustrated with myself.  When will I learn that giving too much information is a bad thing?  I'm too stinking open sometimes.  I really hold myself back because of it.  I could have just charged ahead and let fate take control.  Instead I had to try to be comfortable and secure.  I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut.

On the other hand I'm proud of myself.  I am able to recognize my limitations.  I am always willing to challenge and stretch myself, but I'm also pretty self-aware.  I'm not going to put myself in a position where I can be accused of lying or making myself out to be something I'm not.  Yeah, I'm a first year teacher with little experience.  Given a chance, though, I'll knock your socks off with what I have to offer.  I just need to be given that opportunity.

I'm so stupidly confused right now.  I was so danged excited last night, and now I'm bummed.  I had a second interview this afternoon with the place I really liked Monday.  It went okay, but it didn't seem as positive as it did earlier in the week.  They said they will "get in touch with me."  Maybe I should just go deliver pizzas for a living.

Employment

I've got a job for next school year!  I am so super excited.  What a relief this one bit of news is.

I will be working in the same district I am now, but at a different school.  It's a bit farther away, but the drive really won't be too bad, and in the Phoenix area it's pretty common to have a 30 minute commute.  Since I'll be going to work earlier in the morning the drive really shouldn't be too bad.

The position won't be much of a stretch from what I did this year.  I am moving up to 6th and 7th grade social studies and adding language arts for the same age group.  The school is even going to pay for my test to become highly qualified in middle grades social studies.  I already have that endorsement for language arts, so I will be adding to my resume.  I really can't turn that down, especially since someone else will be paying the expense!

Another really great part of all this is that I should be teaching summer school as well.  This will give me an excellent opportunity to get to know some of the students, the teachers, and the school in general before starting the school year in full force.  This is a great way to get my feet wet in my new surroundings and to plan my classroom design.  School ends this Friday and I will have a week off before starting summer school.  I really can't wait.

Life has been a roller coaster for our family in the past few months.  This really feels like a new beginning.  It was devastating to find out I won't be staying on at my old school, but I'm actually thrilled with this news.  I get to try something new with the grade levels, and I get to fulfill my dream of teaching both social studies and language arts.  I really couldn't have asked for more.